That Time I Lost My Kid

What’s the most important thing you’ve ever lost?

An item of clothing? A phone? Maybe even your wedding ring?

Or maybe, like me, you’ve lost something even more important than all those valuables: your child.

The most terrifying hour of my life was the day before Thanksgiving 2021. Our precious son, Luke, was missing for about 40 minutes.

It was a beautiful day in Parker, Colorado, where we were visiting my parents. I took a walk with my sons, Luke and Jude, who were 5 and 1 at the time. As we were walking back to my parents’ condo, Luke insisted on going up one set of stairs to the condo, while I was already heading up another set of stairs, trying to chase down little Jude.

We were so, so close to my parents’ condo. All that Luke needed to do was go up that set of stairs, and he would see Grandma and Grandpa’s condo. 

Unfortunately, Luke ended up getting out of my eyesight and did not go up the correct set of stairs. For about five minutes, I walked in the close vicinity, shouting his name, but did not see him anywhere. I started to panic.

I burst into my parents’ condo, told my husband and parents that Luke was missing, and they all began searching for him as well. 

If you’ve ever been in the position of the parent of a missing child, I’m sure you will agree: It’s the most terrifying feeling in the world. My mind immediately went to a very dark place, imagining that Luke had knocked on the door of a psychopath. The fearful thoughts that entered my mind are the things horror movies are made of.

I started knocking on doors, asking if anyone had seen my 5-year-old son. At one condo, a mother stopped what she was doing, told her own son what was going on, and they proceeded to search the neighborhood with us.

At some point, I called the police, and they told me they would send officers. 

At least 40 minutes went by. I was completely panicked. My mind entered fight or flight mode. The only logical explanation in my mind was that he must have knocked on a door, thinking it was Grandma and Grandpa’s condo, and that a stranger was now torturing him. 

Finally, I felt the Holy Spirit remind me that He was there. This whole time, I hadn’t thought to pray. I stopped for just a moment and asked for His guidance.

Immediately, I had an answer. That whole time, I had been thinking like an adult. An adult would have a general sense of direction and common sense to know that Grandma and Grandpa’s condo wasn’t far away. They would know to stay in that area rather than going very far.

I suddenly had the understanding that I needed to think like a 5-year-old boy. And what does a child do when they are scared?

They run.

So I started running.

This condo system is gargantuan, probably a mile long, with several twists, turns, and different paths one could take. I started running in a straight line at full speed.

It wasn’t long before a car saw me running (all the while, frantically yelling, “Luke!”) and asked if I was looking for a little boy. I said yes, and they told me they had seen him. They pointed me in the right direction, and within a minute, I saw my little boy running towards me, crying and terrified.

He was fine. Nothing had happened to my sweet boy other than being lost and scared for 40 minutes. That reunion when I saw him and he saw me, and we ran together, hugging and trembling with relief and emotion, was one of the sweetest I’ve ever had. He even got to meet some nice police officers, and they gave him some neato Douglas Country Sherriff’s office stickers and tattoos. 

I think back to the sheer terror I experienced at the thought of permanently losing my child. I’ve never experienced anything that awful. While I regret that it took me probably 40 minutes to even think to pray, I now view it as a reminder that even in life’s worst moments, God is there. 

When we ask God for guidance, He will provide it. His still small voice promises to direct us. The next time you face a moment of panic, remind yourself to pray. His ways are higher than yours. Allow His Spirit to show you what to do even in a crisis situation.

What My 30s Taught Me

It’s hard to believe that I’ve reached the end of my 30s. This decade has been so fun … but honestly, a whirlwind! Like many people, during my 30s, I grew my family and career. It’s hard to believe that it was 10 years ago that I wrote about the Best Decisions of my 20s and the Worst Mistakes of my 20s. 

I figure I owe it to the whirlwind of my 30s to summarize some of the lessons I’ve learned during this important decade. So here we go… my Top 8 Lessons of my 30s:

8. I’m more selfish than I thought I was. 

During this decade, I had two babies, and I’m now in my 13^th year of marriage. As I have added years to my marriage, I humbly admit that selfishness has tried to rear its ugly head more and more. When you’re newly married, you want to make sure that person sees only the beautiful parts of you. Once you’re in deep, they’ve seen the good, bad, and the ugly.

Having babies also has a way of revealing the selfishness in a person like perhaps nothing else can. A baby literally sucks the life out of you. You may be the world’s most selfless person, but having a baby will leave you fighting for any scrap of “me time” you can possibly salvage.

As weird as it may sound, the 30s have taught me that I needed to be selfish in some respects. When you’re a mom, you must fight for that time to do things that refill you spiritually and emotionally. I am learning to ask God for guidance about what is truly selfishness and what is a legitimate need that will nourish me so I can continue caring for those around me. 

7. Save up for what you care about.

I’ve learned to value money in a different way during this decade. As much as it’s within my control (pending things like a car breaking down, unexpected hospital visit, etc.), I tell my money what I want to do with it. 

Don’t care about a fancy house or car? Fine… then why spend a ton of money on those things? Prefer lavish vacations that you’ll remember for a lifetime? Then invest for that big trip to the Bahamas or Iceland!

6. People are like a box of chocolates.

You really do never know what you’re going to get. I entered my 30s a bit Pollyanna-esque, truly assuming that everyone has good intentions and is looking out for their fellow human beings. Well, sadly, it’s not true. My perspective on people in general has changed. Some might call it “being jaded,” but I think I’m perhaps just more guarded.

It’s true that the world is full of kind people. Some of the kindest people in the world are in my life. But there are also “wolves in sheep’s clothing” out there. Especially when you’re a parent, you learn to use greater discretion towards others.

Jon Acuff calls the 30s the decade of “editing.” I’ve found this to be true for me regarding relationships. The people that I’ve seen kindness, goodness, and godliness emanate from, I choose to draw near to. 

5. You can’t control others.
I don’t know that I’ve ever been a controlling person, per se, but having kids during this decade of life has hit home this lesson. Take for instance my 3-year-old who still refuses to potty-train. Can I force another person to toilet train? Nope. I can give him every opportunity by reminding him it’s time to potty, reading him the Elmo potty book every night, and having the proper tools in place for him to learn to potty train. But he must decide it’s time to give up diapers.

4. Variety is the spice of life.
Sometimes in your 30s, life can start to get a little mundane. You may have been in the same career for a long time. You may have lived in the same city for a while. 

I find that doing what is within your control to add variety to life is essential. I do this in little ways:

• Trying new restaurants, even ones that offer genres of food that are new or uncomfortable to me.
• Asking someone out to lunch or coffee who is of a different race or ethnicity.
• Reading books that are of a myriad of genres and offer diverse perspectives on topics.

3. Take care of your body.

We only get this one body, and we honor God by taking care of it. I’ve fallen in love with new forms of exercise in the last few years, and exercise is now my favorite pastime. I’m still working on the eating healthy part and decreasing my sugar and caffeine intake!

“You surely know that your body is a temple where the Holy Spirit lives.” 1 Corinthians 6:19

2. Invest in others.

A temptation in your 30s is to insulate yourself only to your family. Yes, investing in your family is of the utmost importance. But don’t miss opportunities to pour out to others around you who may need what you have. Find a volunteer opportunity that not only helps others but also fills your tank. 

“The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” Proverbs 11:25

1. Don’t be a spectator in your faith.

By this time in life, it seems like most people either have a solid faith or do not. Our society allows for religion to be a relaxing afterthought if that’s what we prefer. We can make God a spectator sport rather than a growing and thriving relationship.

I have been guilty of this at times. I have often been guilty of seeking which Netflix series to binge-watch rather than pursuing God in prayer and reading His Word.

I love this quote from the late Billy Graham: “Christianity is not a spectator sport. It’s something in which we become totally involved.”

Lord, make me totally involved in loving You and in building Your Kingdom as I enter this next decade of life. Thank You for the blessing of my 30s and all of the lessons You have taught me.

A Season of Joy Out of a Season of Sorrow

Last year was the most difficult year of my life, and the joys and tragedies of motherhood became even more real to me. When my former editor Yvette Walker of the Positively Joy Community asked me to share about my Calling All Princesses book, I knew it was going to be a long story…

Calling All Princesses was something I started 20 years ago. A career, marriage and children have kept me busy during that time. It kept getting pushed to the back burner, like so many of our dreams tend to do.

But 2021 made me reevaluate what’s really important. Within a span of six weeks, I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant, was T-boned in a car wreck, my oldest child started kindergarten, and I found out I had a miscarriage. It was a whirlwind. I go into more details on this podcast, but let me just say, 2021 was a roller coaster for me that I don’t wish to ride ever again.

I was scheduled to have a baby in 2022, and when I found out that baby went to heaven instead, I decided to have a Book Baby. Finishing Calling All Princesses was my gift to myself this year.

I don’t necessarily like sharing everything on social, and I’m certainly not looking for sympathy or even prayers at this point. Through precious times with God, counseling and the support of friends and family, I am doing well. I also have a fulfilled sense that my family is complete.

Click the link below to listen to the podcast:

Girls and God: Calling daughters to worship the Father

I’m sharing my story here because I want to encourage two groups of people:

1. To those whose dreams have been pushed aside.
   Finish it! Carve out the time. It may just be 1 hour/week, but schedule that time to work on your dream, and make it happen. Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable to finish the work.
   
   Do it for you. Do it for those who need the gift you have to give. You may be closer to the finish line than what you realize. You can do it. Finish strong. Don’t let that dream die.
   
   
2. To those who are experiencing the grief of a miscarriage.
   It’s a long healing journey, and the pangs of sorrow still hit me from time to time. Allow yourself to experience the loss of the child. A real human life was in your body for a short period of time, and he or she will not enter the world. It is a tragedy.
   
   Tomorrow marks 1 year to the day that I found out I lost our third baby. It was the most tragic day of my life. But so were the weeks that followed. I don’t remember when I felt “normal” again. Things like talking with friends, praying, going to a counselor, and planting a tree in remembrance of the baby all helped me process my emotions.
   
   Know that God wants to fill you with hope. Yes, for some, it may be the hope of future children. For me, who feels entirely content that my family is complete, it is the hope that I can help be a comfort to those who are going through loss. And it’s the hope that I will meet the precious baby I lost someday on the other side of eternity.

Enjoy the podcast, my friends, and many thanks to Yvette for allowing me to share my story with the Positively Joy Community!

Consistency is King

We’ve all heard the mantra “consistency is king.” It can be applied to so many areas — our daily walk with God, becoming physically fit by exercising, etc.

Over the last few years, I have lived this mantra with one of my children for the first time. Luke, who is almost 6, started weekly swim lessons when he was 3. Nearly 3 years ago. Granted, we had a break for a few months during the start of the pandemic. But for roughly 4/5 of that amount of time, it seemed that NOTHING WAS HAPPENING. The kid was deathly afraid to put his head under the water!

He wasn’t swimming. He wasn’t moving up levels like the other kids in lessons with him. He was just hanging out in the water, basically.

There were about 500 times that I wondered, “Did I put him in lessons too early? Will he ever learn to swim? Will we have wasted every Thursday evening for the last 2.5 years?”

Then something miraculous happened in January of this year.

He suddenly decided he wasn’t afraid to put his head under water anymore. He suddenly wanted to swim.

And let me tell you, this summer has been amazing! The kid swims like a fish in every pool. He goes down the big water slides at the pool. He is living his best life this summer, because he can swim.

If you had asked me in December if I thought Luke would be swimming like a fish this summer, I would have said absolutely not. Because I hadn’t seen any progress with my physical eyes. But all those things he had been learning up until the turning point were going into him. He just had to break through the wall of fear.

And if he hadn’t had the opportunity, week in and week out, to practice swimming, he wouldn’t have had the breakthrough.

What is it that you’re wanting? Do you want to hear from God? Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to have deep friendships?

Consistency is key. Sow seeds on a regular basis into those areas that you want to see growth. If you want to hear from God, spend time seeking Him each day. If you want to lose weight, spend time exercising and making healthy choices each day. If you want deep friendships, schedule times to be with your friends regularly.

Even though it may seem like nothing is happening for a long time, roots are growing in these areas underground. You are growing deep friendships as you sow into people week in and week out. You are growing closer to God as you spend time daily in His word and in prayer. And as Galatians 6:9 says, at the proper time, you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.

Don’t give up. Stay consistent.

Finding Hope to Move Forward

As we approach 2022, many of us are grateful to have the last two years behind us. The last two years have been rough. I know there have been many times emotionally, physically, and spiritually when I’ve just wanted to throw in the towel.

Yet, they have been times of growth. The tension, the heartache we’ve experienced… if we’ve allowed them to do their refining work in our lives, have made us purer and stronger.

This summer was the most difficult season I’ve ever experienced. Within a 5-week span, I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant, was in a car accident when another driver ran a red light, and experienced a miscarriage (the miscarriage was unrelated to the car accident).

The miscarriage dragged out for 6 weeks and finally resulted in a D&C procedure and so much heartache and unexpected emotions. During that season of questioning God and dealing with uncontrollable emotions and intense exhuastion, I started seeing butterflies everywhere. Literally almost every time I was outside.

After seeing about the 100th butterfly in a month, I started asking God what was up with the butterflies. I’m not a mystic or one to see shapes in the clouds that I think are predicting the future. But it seemed like the butterflies were up to something. Or perhaps … God was up to something.

Butterflies represent change, newness, rebirth, or resurrection. A butterfly emerges from its chrysalis a much different creature than the caterpillar that entered that same chrysalis.

When a butterfly is inside its pupa or chrysalis, it may look like nothing is going on, but big changes are happening inside. “Special cells that were present in the larva are now growing rapidly. They will become the legs, wings, eyes and other parts of the adult butterfly. The caterpillar has a few tiny eyes, stubby legs and very short antennae. The adults have long legs, long antennae, and compound eyes,” from ANSP.org.

For many of us, perhaps it’s felt like we’re stuck inside a chrysalis over the last two years. Perhaps our socialization has been limited. Maybe we feel like we haven’t grown in our careers or relationships. It’s been a frustrating time for many.

But perhaps, like the beautiful butterfly, you are experiencing a rebirth. Perhaps big changes are happening on the inside. Changes that no one else can see because they can’t see inside your chrysalis. Your chrysalis is an inner chamber that only God can access.

I pray that as we approach the New Year, we approach it with hope. There’s more to life than a stuffy chrysalis chamber, my friend. God has a new life for you. And even if you’ve been “reborn” a hundred times before, God can do it again. He can breathe new life into you and use you once again for His purposes.

5 Ways to Keep Christ in Christmas

Recently I’ve been a little overwhelmed by Santa and Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I have nothing against these fun, fictional aspects of Christmas, but it seems they have infiltrated my 5-year-old son’s mind this holiday season. He is nonstop belting out “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” and pointing out every corny inflatable Christmas decoration as we drive around neighborhoods.

“Mommy, am I on the naughty or nice list?” he asked me the other day.

As parents, we want to have the perfect response to questions like that. We want to have some knowledge that reaches the child right where they’re at and leaves a lasting spiritual impact. Now, I’m definitely not Mom of the Year, but I tried to use the opportunity to remind him that Santa’s Naughty or Nice List isn’t what matters most. “What matters is what Jesus thinks,” I told him. “Are your actions making Jesus happy?”

At Christmastime, kids tend to get very focused on receiving. It’s important to remind kids that Christmas is about giving. Jesus was God’s gift to us. The wise men are a great reminder that we can give gifts to Jesus (gifts like our time, attention, and tithe/offering). We can also give gifts to friends, family, the homeless, and great nonprofits.

Practically, I’ve been trying to incorporate more Jesus into our lives this Christmas. With all the influences that the world throws our way, it’s easy for them to become focused on the glitz and glamour of snowmen and reindeer and forget that Christmas is all about a baby King who humbly arrived in a stable.

5 Ways to Keep Christ in Christmas:

1. Visit a live nativity, if your community has one. Or consider purchasing a nativity to display on your lawn or in your home.
2. Make a birthday cake for Jesus.
3. Watch Christmas movies/shows featured on Christ and giving. We love Veggie Tales “The Toy That Saved Christmas.” Which Christ-centered Christmas movies do you and your kids love?
4. Attend a Christmas church service as a family.
5. Christmas carols like “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” are fun, but be sure to expose them to Christ-centered ones too, like “Silent Night,” and “Away in a Manger.” My friend Yancy (2021 Dove Awards “Children’s Album of the Year” Winner) also has a great Christmas album, “Have a Fancy Yancy Christmas.”

What do you and your family do to keep Christ in Christmas?

Getting Rid of Bitterness

People are angry and bitter. Angry at the world. Angry about COVID precautions. Bitter toward their spouse. Bitter toward their ungrateful kids.

Anger, bitterness and rage are increasingly prevalent in our society. One indicator of this is the huge increase in airline violence in 2021. As of Sept. 6, 2021, there have been 727 investigations of airline violence in the US. In comparison, in 2019, only 146 investigations were initiated by the FAA.

Pastor Chris Beall with Life.Church recently gave a powerful message about bitterness. We hold on to bitterness because someone has wronged us. But ultimately, bitterness poisons us and can destroy that relationship.

Bitterness is not surface-level feelings. It goes deep. The Bible describes bitterness as a root. “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many,” says Hebrews 12:15.

The thing about roots…. They’re not always easy to pull up. Have you ever pulled and pulled on a root in your garden, only to almost pull your back out? Those things are deep and strong! BUT, it is possible to remove the root. And if you don’t remove it, it has the potential to destroy your garden… AKA all the beautiful things God is doing in your life!

In his message, Pastor Beall shared how to kill the root of bitterness:

1. You expose it.
   -Talk to the person you are bitter about. Admit your feelings.
2. You cancel their debts.
   -Give up your claim to blame.
   -Cancel their debt, because God canceled yours.

The whole “giving up your claim to blame” is a hard one for me. If someone has wronged me, I enjoying playing the victim and having a pity party … for a little while, at least. I feel it is my RIGHT! And gosh darn it, what they did was so awful that I’ve earned the right to talk bad about them! You’ll always find someone who is willing to ride that train with you — who will encourage you to bad mouth that person who wronged you.

But is it doing you any good? Is it helping you become a better person and grow closer to God?

An amazing example of forgiveness and letting go of bitterness is Pastor Beall’s wife, Cindy. In this podcast, she shares how she was able to forgive Chris after he admitted to multiple affairs 20 years ago. Their story is an amazing example of forgiveness, transparency, and of someone not allowing “it’s my right to blame/be bitter” rule her life!

Don’t allow the root of bitterness to grow in your life! Expose it for what it is, cancel their debts, and move on! Life is too short to live it embittered.

Because You Never Know What Someone is Going Through

I’ve gone through the wringer this year, which has resulted in almost a perpetual state of brokenness and feeling like I’m in survival mode.

This brokenness has given me a greater awareness of what others may be going through.

There is so much brokenness in our world today. The truth is, you don’t know what that co-worker in your office or that cashier at Target is going through. They might be going through:

• A heart-wrenching divorce and battling for custody of their children
• The unexpected death of a loved one
• The grief of a miscarriage

The list goes on and on. Emotional intelligence and empathy are needed more than ever in this world. We need to be sensitive to the needs of those around us. But even more than we need Emotional Intelligence or empathy, we need compassion for a hurting world.

We can always look to Jesus as our example of how to love. When I think about Jesus loving someone who was going through something, I think about Peter. Remember when Jesus was about to die on a cross, and Peter denied Him three times? If I were Jesus, I would have completely written off my friendship with Peter. After all, the struggle Jesus was going through was much bigger in the scope of things than what Peter was experiencing. Jesus was facing a torturous death; Peter was facing fear of what people thought of him.

And yet, after His resurrection, Jesus took the time to restore His friendship with Peter in John 21. He asked Peter three times, “Do you love me?” When someone asks you something once, you might give a fake answer. When they ask you twice, you might tell them how you really feel. But if they ask you three times, you know they mean business and you’d better get real.

Jesus could have abandoned Peter’s friendship and been just fine. But He took the time to restore that relationship, because He knew that at the time when Peter denied Him, he was going through something. Peter wasn’t emotionally prepared to publicly declare his love and commitment to Christ before His crucifixion, but he was most certainly ready to do so now. And Peter would go on to prove this love, as he would eventually endure martyrdom through upside-down crucifixion.

Extend grace. Extend compassion. Extend love. Those times when you’ve been hurting and someone has offered you a hug, or a home-cooked meal, or simply waved you into traffic when you would have had to wait five more minutes, hasn’t it felt like salve to your soul?

You can be the one who refreshes someone today. You can be the salve to someone’s hurting soul.

Give someone else mercy. Give them love. Give them grace. You may not know if they need it or not, but I guarantee you … they do. 100% of the time.

Life Comes with Surprises

Even in the midst of what has been a very trying season, God has been reminding me that He likes to surprise us.

Personally, this has come through a couple of fun anecdotes over the last couple weeks:

• I took my 5 year-old to an arcade for the first time. Of course, he only earned enough tickets to trade in for about 3 pieces of candy. However, a nice older couple came up to him and GAVE HIM their HUGE stuffed ninja (one of the biggest prizes available!) Of course, he was completely over the moon to accept the gift, and now he has high expectations of all future visits to an arcade!
• I was the recipient of a drive-thru Random Act of Kindness for the first time recently. I rarely get breakfast at McDonalds, but I ordered a Bacon Egg & Cheese Biscuit and a Mocha, and when I got up to the window to pay, the cashier told me the car in front of me had already covered my bill! Of course I paid for the car behind me! You have to keep it going when you’re a recipient of a Random Act of Kindness!
  
  
  
• This is super silly, but someone gave me what’s called a “Unicorn Bath Bomb.” I I thought this was because the bath bomb itself was multiple bright colors, kind of like a unicorn. But as I was enjoying my hot bath and the bath bomb eventually dissolved, up popped the tiniest little unicorn! It made me laugh and remember that life is indeed full of surprises! And now I keep the unicorn on my desk to remind me to look for surprises and the whimsical in life.

I’m going through a Bible study with some friends – “Elijah” by Priscilla Shirer, and the second week brings up this exact theme, that God loves surprising us.

In the story in 1 Kings 17, Elijah was in a desolate place called Cherith for what historians imagine to have been about 18 months. Basically, it was a dried up creek or ravine. He didn’t have access to food. However, God used the most unexpected means to much sure Elijah had sustenance: Ravens came twice a day to feed him.

Priscilla goes into great detail as to why ravens were such a surprise choice … one that could have clearly only come from God! Ravens are known as being stingy and greedy when it comes to food. They don’t like to share their food! (sounds like me!). Also, they don’t like returning to the same place. They are wanderers. And yet, the same birds brought him food twice a day. Seriously, ornithologists have no explanations as to why or how ravens tended to Elijah for more than a year. It doesn’t make logical sense.

God decided to use an unexpected source to meet a very real need.

So often in life, I find myself dwelling on disappointments. Disappointed that such and such family member or friend wasn’t there to help when I needed them. Saddened that the people I thought would always be there for me are too busy with their own very stressful lives to be the support I need.

Yet, what if God wants to surprise me?

What if, instead of using the people I would expect to bring comfort or help, He uses someone or something altogether different?

What if His idea of help and refreshment and comfort look like something altogether different to Him? Maybe I think I need a 60-minute massage and a long nap, but He knows I really need a free McDonald’s breakfast from a stranger. Maybe I think I need a two-hour long worship and prayer session, but He wants to surprise me by completely refreshing my spirit through one worship song on my drive to work.

I love being surprised. And I don’t want to flippantly dismiss any of the surprises God brings my way. I want to embrace and be thankful for each one.

Grace Upon Grace

We all have those seasons where we feel perpetual weakness. One hard thing after another seems to come up. We remember the days when we were so strong, had so much energy, and seemed to accomplish so much.

It’s in these seasons of weakness that we can draw on the grace that God gives. His grace and strength are never-ending and never-failing. Just when your power has completely run out, His grace begins.

Whether you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, sickness, financial struggles, the loss of a job … whatever it may be … God’s grace is bigger than your seemingly impossible circumstances!

If you’re having what feels like the hardest year of your life, I feel you. We WILL get through this. We will not try to be strong on our own. We will not try to survive day by day on our fleeting, human power.

I recently heard this song from one of my favorite worship artists, Martin Smith. I leave you with these powerful lyrics and the encouragement to trade in your weakness for the abundant grace God gives.

Grace By Martin Smith

It’s Grace, grace
I’m nothing without You
Grace, Your grace
Shines on me

And there’ve been days when I’ve walked away
Too much to carry nothing left to say
Forgive me Lord when I’m weak and lost
You traded heaven for a wooden cross

And all these years You’ve carried me
You’ve been my eyes when I couldn’t see
And beauty grows in the driving rain
Your oil of gladness in the times of pain